I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
