FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
