dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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