I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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