We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
