As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
