the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
