Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
