The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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