why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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