Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
