I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
