dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
