i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
