as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
