never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
