He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
