mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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