This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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