some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
