yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
