remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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