My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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