How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
