If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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