it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
