Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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