Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
