For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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