Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
