What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How naked do you want me to be?
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