I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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