i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
