you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
