Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
