Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
