And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
