so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
