Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
