im holly from the hills drunk
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dignity is for republicans.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Blood and glitter go together right?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
