You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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