So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Never joke about your clitoris.
I party with great urgency now.
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