hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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