I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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