i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
