Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
