WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
