I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
