Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
