I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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