I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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