all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
