State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
