Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
