My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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