I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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