Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
